Jeanne Barr vs Canada Post: she wins, sort of

Jeanne Barr, the unilingual postmistress at the Pakenham Post Office is keeping her job – pro tem. 

Rumors were circulating last week that she would be reinstated - even as a Canada Post official claimed in a letter to the National Post that, in accordance with federal legislation, bi-lingualism is an absolute qualification for this position and the law cannot be flouted.

So there. 

Well, as we have seen time and time again, just a mere rumor of an Anglophone tinkering with Canada’s sacrosanct bi-lingualism laws – even in hinterlands where the quebecois rarely set foot – drives francophones into a foaming frenzy – and you can imagine what a ghastly sight that is. Goodness Gracious.

However, in a surprise announcement the other day, Canada Post said that Ms. Barr is Postmistress again, or at least until “… they seek clarification on the application of official languages legislation in small communities in the region.”

So what is happening here; on Monday, Ms. Barr is not Postmistress and on Tuesday she is?   Hmmmm.  In fact, the reversal is not really out of character for Canada Post, given that their management style could be described as hither, thither, and yon.

But the lady writing the National Post letter was quite adamant; the Pakenham Postmistress shall speak both official languages. Period. Which sounds officially adamant to me.

But perhaps one of the few remaining Anglos at Canada Post took courage from the city of Ottawa who, despite the public outrage of vociferous Ontario quebecois (quebecois carry so much hatred - why do they insist on living here?), hired a Fire Chief who speaks not a word of French.  Although the new Chief has a reputation as a mender of tattered labor relations, a talent sorely needed in Ottawa, some quebecois among us are demanding that we discard this  exceptional Fire Chief and hire someone – or anything - that even looks as if it might speak French. 

I’m inclined to think that Ms. Barr’s ‘re-instatement’ is a ruse, a callous ploy designed to obscure the cavalier manner in which Canada Post routinely treats its nuisance Anglophones. 

I think we can expect that, in six months or so, she will receive a registered letter from Canada Post coolly informing her – in both official languages – that, specifically because of her linguistic heritage, she can no longer do the job she has quite competently been doing for several years. 

‘Nous regretter, mais nous sont sans alternatifs. Les legalities sont insurmountable, oui? An’ by de way, le nouveau postesmaître will escort tu exit le port. Merci.’

Or words to that effect.

Thus, in due time, Ms. Barr will be quietly replaced and the unseemly fuss will fade from the public consciousness. Canada Post will wash its collective hands of the entire contemptible affair and mutter “Mon Dieu! Les anglais, a méprisable.”

Although the new Postmaster will be bi-lingual, he will be called upon to speak only the odd word in French, simply because 99.9% of his daily discourse will be in English.

And by the way, it won’t be necessary for the new guy to speak fluent English; garbled will do quite nicely.

To justify replacing Ms. Barr with a person qui parle deux langues, I can imagine Canada Post bussing a contingent of quebecois into Pakenham every day to surreptitiously slink into the Post Office et acheter livres de stamps - en francais, naturellement.

When all is said and done, when Ms. Barr has been consigned to a secondary Canada Post position - with a commensurate reduction in salary, Ontario’s growing cadre of raucous quebecois will strut, cluck, and preen and declare how exquisitely pleased they are at having destroyed Ms. Barr’s career as Postmistress.

Les quebecois á foam de whine will slink into their smug little selves until some Anglo, somewhere in the growing and increasingly strident francophone bits of Ontario, dares to speak English out of turn.   --JGP